We’ve all seen the listicles on “Things to never say to a bisexual” and “Things bisexuals are tired of hearing.” (Just Google “Things to never say to a bisexual” and see just how many lists come up…and take a guess as to why we are tired of saying this.) We’ve seen that you should never ask “Do you like men or women more?” of a bisexual. But why? Why do us bisexuals find this question so very annoying?
The reason is simple. Too many people believe that bisexuals are “partially” gay or “kind of” straight. No, no we are not. Bisexuals are 0% gay, 0% straight, 100% bisexual.
There are some bisexuals who will quantify their attraction this way, and there isn’t anything inherently wrong with that. Except not all bisexuals do this or want to do this. Personally, I feel the quantification minimizes us as people and erases our bisexuality (because “I’m 30% straight and 70% gay” has no room for “bisexual” in there…it’s a binary that I reject).
Our desires cannot be quantified in that way. We, like all humans, do have preferences. But it is more about the person we are attracted to, not necessarily their sex or gender (though that is a factor in our attraction, just like any other physical trait). I personally do prefer men, but that doesn’t mean I’m only 30% bisexual, or 40% bisexual (or, horrors, 70% straight). It just happens that I tend to be attracted more often to men than women.
I’m still 100% bisexual, even though I prefer men and am married to one.
Here’s a little bit of a silly exercise for you to see just how ridiculous it is to quantify this sort of attraction.
Let’s say you like both brown eyed people (of whatever gender(s) you are attracted to) and hazel eyed people. Can you quantify how much more you prefer brown eyed people over hazel eyed people? What’s your percentage? Is that the only thing you take into account with attraction, or are there other factors?
See? Not so easy, is it? Kind of stupid, isn’t it? That’s why bisexuals are getting tired of answering this question. We don’t have a percentage, and neither do you in your preferences. So let’s lay this question to rest, shall we?